Kyle Read online

  “Look like one?” I smiled. “Have you been around a lot of SEALs to know what they look like?”

  A stem of jealousy unexplainably took root.

  “Considering I live in San Diego, I’ve seen my fair share,” she shot back. “I actually met with Rear Admiral Creasy a few times when I was with NCMEC. Two victims had been taken by boat from the beach. A witness reported the boat was seen near San Clemente Island. For obvious reasons civilians helping in the search couldn’t go onto the island. He’d personally gone out and had a BUD/s class that was there for training stop and help search.”

  That sounded like Creasy. He’d recently saved us a lot of time and effort, unofficially aiding in the rescue of Thad’s wife, Emerson. He was as kind and good as he was tough and demanding.

  “Were they found?”

  “Yes. Unfortunately, both had died. A diver found one just off the island and the other victim washed ashore. Rear Admiral Creasy had respectfully brought both back to Coronado and assisted the families.” Again, that didn’t surprise me. Creasy had seen his fair share of grieving spouses, parents, children, and siblings. Actually, he seen more than any one man should have to see.

  She felt that loss. And I couldn’t say I was happy she did but I liked she had the capacity to feel it. I was even happier she hadn’t masked her sadness. In the short amount of time I’d spent with Anaya she’d put in a fair amount of effort to hide her thoughts and feelings. I fucking hated it. It was maddening. I wanted to tear down the walls she’d built and demand she show me the real her.

  “You didn’t answer my question, sailor,” she teased, and I was nearly blinded by her smile and those dimples she had did some weird shit to my insides. I wanted to run my finger over the indentations and at the same time, I wanted to press my lips on them just to see what they felt like.

  Goddamn bizarre.

  “I didn’t? I must’ve forgotten what you asked.”

  “Evasion. Nice tactic.” Her head tilted to the side and, while she was being funny, her eyes were not. They were steadily gazing into mine and my hands twitched to pull her closer.

  “Evasion?” I chuckled. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Right, now we’ve moved to resistance and denial. What’s next on the SERE training protocol? Escape?” Her wide smile was contagious and when her dimples once again dotted her cheeks, blood quickly flowed south and my dick jerked.

  Damn, those fucking dimples were going to be the death of me.

  I glanced out the window. “Escape for thirty thousand feet without a parachute might be a little difficult.”

  “Yet you’re not worried about the lack of oxygen or decompression sickness. Interesting.”

  I couldn’t help the bark of laughter. “What’s interesting is you know what SERE training is and decompression sickness from a HALO jump.”

  “A what?” Her head crooked to the side and I had a feeling she was screwing with me and knew what I was talking about.

  “High altitude low opening jump.”

  “Right.” She laughed and I knew she was fucking with me.

  It was too much, the way she was easily teasing me in a way that was flirty yet still witty and definitely cute was muddling my head and doing nothing to help with my hardening cock. Nothing good was to come from it either. I needed my head on straight and my dick to get with the program. Unfortunately it seemed to have its own agenda and getting into Anaya’s pants was priority number one.

  “Why’d you leave the NCMEC?” I asked, hoping the change in topic would ease some of the stiffness in my pants.

  “I needed a change.” She shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal.

  But hurt flashed in her eyes and I knew there was a story there. One I wished she wanted to tell me. Which was so unusual for me, it was baffling. No one would ever accuse me of being nosy, that was for sure. I wasn’t standoffish, and I didn’t have severe trust issues like Max did. There was no trauma in my past like Declan that prevented me from forming relationships. I simply respected others’ privacy. I had boundaries I didn’t cross. But for some reason, with her I couldn’t find where those boundaries lay, and even if I could, I didn’t want them between us.

  At least that’s what I told myself, I wasn’t nosy and respected others need for privacy. But the truth was I had no intentions of leading a woman on. I’d always been upfront and honest about only wanting a superficial encounter, for however long it lasted.

  I had no interest in having a family of my own, therefore there was no reason to form a deep and meaningful relationship.

  But if that was the case, then why was I so hellbent on wanting to know everything about Anaya?

  Chapter 3

  Kyle was interesting but a little hard to puzzle out.

  We’d been in the air almost an hour and the conversation had flowed easy. He still hadn’t answered my initial question if he’d been a SEAL but frankly, I liked the banter and his silly denials. He’d accepted any vague answer I’d given him as if he didn’t care I wasn’t elaborating. Which was confusing because he asked a lot of questions.

  “You don’t press for answers, do you?” I blurted out. “I’m not complaining or anything. Just an observation.”

  “You’re not an enemy combatant I’m interrogating,” he returned.

  Okay, that was kinda funny.

  “And have you interrogated many?” I asked, enjoying our game.

  “More than I can remember.”

  I could see Kyle being a formidable interrogator. He had intense eyes and the way he stared at me made me feel as if he knew more than he was letting on. Which may’ve been why he hadn’t asked me to expand on my answers when I’d blown off a question. I should’ve been grateful, I didn’t like talking about myself. But sometimes closing myself off was exhausting. I’d even held back with Evette and Kalee.

  Damn, I missed Kalee. She was so much fun to be around. A kind soul who always made everyone in her presence smile and laugh. I still couldn’t believe she was gone. Even after everything that had happened to me I was still shocked there was so much evil in the world.

  “Hey.” Kyle’s hand on mine sparked me back to the present.

  I glanced down to where our hands were connected. He’d threaded his fingers between mine and the feel of his touch was startling. How long had it been since I’d had any sort of physical interaction? I couldn’t remember the last time I’d allowed someone to touch me. I wasn’t a hugger, that was for sure. I supposed I’d shaken hands with someone in the last few months, but I couldn’t remember. Not even the children in the orphanage I’d visited with Kalee touched me. Not like they did her. She’d scoop them up and hug and kiss them. Not me, I simply waved. She was always brushing the girls’ hair off their faces and kissing their cheeks while I’d get a washcloth and help them clean themselves.

  Man, I was screwed up.

  When had I allowed myself to get to this level of disconnected?

  “Anaya, are you okay?” Kyle started to pull his hand back, but I held fast. If he pulled away now, I’d lose my courage. “I didn’t mean to—”

  “I can’t remember the last time someone touched me,” I admitted.

  His hand flexed in mine, and for some stupid reason, I wanted Kyle to understand.

  I lifted my gaze from our intertwined hands and locked eyes with him. “It doesn’t take a genius to understand why I have issues with attachments. I mean, I know I’m all kinds of screwed up. But I don’t know when I started retreating to this point.’

  “What point are you referring to?” he asked cautiously.

  “To a place where a simple friendly gesture is so abnormal, I have to think about it.”

  Jeez, could I sound any crazier?

  Kyle nodded. “I shouldn’t’ve—”

  “Don’t make this weirder than I already am.” I tried to smile and make light of my idiocy. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who’s half nuts.”

  Kyle squeezed my h
and and shook his head. “You’re not making anything weird and you’re not nuts.”

  “Right. That’s nice of you to say, but we both know a normal person doesn’t study joined hands for a full minute trying to remember the last time she actually touched someone.”

  Yep, I could sound crazier.

  Time to move things along.

  “Anyway,” I sighed. “How long have you been out of the Navy?”

  “Three years,” he allowed, but hadn’t stopped staring intently at me.

  He knew what I was doing and being nice enough to let me. This was just peachy, he was looking at me like I was going to fall apart. And I especially didn’t want him to see me like I was a damaged woman that needed to be handled accordingly. I didn’t want him to know how messed up I was but at the same time, I wanted him to know why. It was confusing and I couldn’t keep all of my contradicting feelings in check.

  “Can we forget I said anything?”

  “About?”

  “The hand…” His smile cut me off mid-sentence. He was being a good sport.

  God, he was a nice guy.

  “Thanks.”

  “Mind if I hold your hand a while longer?”

  “No.” I drew the O out curious why he’d want to hold my hand.

  “Thanks, the turbulence can get a little scary.” He shuddered then winked.

  Now he was being cute and holy shit I didn’t think it was possible for a man who looked as big and tough as Kyle to ever be described as cute, but there he was, mock shuddering and winking. Totally cute.

  “Just as long as your palms don’t sweat. If they do, you’re on your own, pal.”

  “Noted.” His peal of laughter took me by surprise.

  Kyle no longer looked cute, he looked downright sexy. And to make matters even weirder I couldn’t stop staring at the way the muscles in his neck were contracting, how his perfect, white teeth were on display, how his powerful body shook with hilarity. I also couldn’t deny the sound, the feel of him laughing had wreaked havoc on my girly bits. They were tingling and had woken up in a way I couldn’t ignore. It went beyond the wetness I’d felt between my legs and straight to need.

  Thankfully the conversation flowed back to idle chitchat. Though it had taken awhile for me to get my head back into the conversation. But once I could concentrate again we’d mostly talked about food in different places around the world. We’d both traveled a lot. Him more than me, but he didn’t have time to explore like I had. There were some countries we’d had in common like Albania, Liberia, and Kosovo. But he’d been to more places in the Middle East than I had. And I’d been to more Eastern Europe and Asian countries than he had.

  He was thoughtful when he spoke about other cultures and even though he’d been to these countries to fight a war, he didn’t paint the local countrymen with a broad brush. He was careful with his words and clear he was there to fight terrorism and radicals, not the innocent people trying to live their daily lives.

  Kyle, however, had strong opinions about justice and protecting those who were unable to protect themselves.

  I admired him and his resolve to stand up for those who couldn’t do it for themselves. His resolution hadn’t come from pity nor was it condescending. Kyle didn’t think he was better or stronger than those he’d dedicated himself to protecting, he knew he’d simply been born with more opportunity.

  And that wasn’t sexy, it was sexy in an irresistible way that sucked so badly because in a few days I’d never seen him again.

  “Tired?” he asked after I yawned for the second time.

  “Sorry. I swear it’s the motion of the plane, not the company,” I told him. “I always sleep in cars and airplanes. Would you like me to switch seats with Declan so he can keep you company while I doze?”

  I thought it was odd, though I hadn’t commented when we boarded that Declan’s assigned seat wasn’t near ours. Or that Kyle was sitting next to me and not his friend.

  “Sleep, Anaya. You’ll need your rest. Once we land, it’s doubtful you’ll get much.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “For?”

  “For the great conversation. These last few hours have been the first time I haven’t thought about Timor-Leste or what happened. Part of me feels guilty I forgot but the other part of me is so grateful for the reprieve.”

  “It’ll get easier,” he told me. “The mind is a mysterious thing; it will heal if you give it time.”

  I nodded and asked, “But does your soul ever heal?”

  “That I don’t know,” he answered honestly and I appreciated his candor.

  I was learning quickly that Kyle didn’t say shit just to say it and he certainly didn’t say things just to smooth over an uncomfortable question. It was refreshing in a way I never thought it would be, considering I’d spent most of my life hiding from those I cared about and those who cared about me. I wasn’t honest—I glossed over every uncomfortable question that had ever been asked. I had it down to a science and could move any conversation in any direction I wanted with practiced skill.

  I lay my head back on the seat and closed my eyes, thinking about Kalee and the rebels. Would it ever get easier? Would my mind settle and stop playing an endless loop of that day and all the things I could’ve done differently? What if I hadn’t hidden? What if I’d gone with Kalee and Piper to the orphanage? Could I have helped them? Together could we have saved more than the three little girls Piper selflessly protected?

  I didn’t think anything would ever heal my soul, but maybe if I could save some of the girls Amisha was abusing I could finally sleep at night.

  Then I started thinking about how I needed to wise up. I couldn’t entertain fanciful thoughts about Kyle and his sexy laugh or powerful body. I couldn’t think about my body’s reaction to him. I couldn’t open up to him, I could never be honest the way he was. I couldn’t imagine, or want, or dream, about anything. That wasn’t my life. And Kyle didn’t need me unloading years’ worth of crazy on him.

  He was a good man.

  Too good for the likes of me.

  I woke with a start. My head was resting on Kyle’s shoulder and my hand quickly went to my mouth praying I wasn’t drooling.

  “I already wiped it off.” His voice rumbled with humor.

  “Huh?”

  “The spit. I already wiped it off before it could drench my tee.”

  “Please tell me you’re kidding,” I whispered and closed my eyes.

  “Yeah, I’m just joking with you.” He chuckled, but this time my body shook with his, and it was so much better feeling it rather than just seeing it.

  I was so stupid. I had to stop these thoughts before I embarrassed myself more than I already had.

  I opened my eyes and focused on the book he was holding in his left hand. His right was still knitted with mine.

  “Are you reading my book?” I asked unnecessarily as I could see part of the back cover.

  “After your head landed on my shoulder, I couldn’t reach down under the seat to grab mine out of my bag. Yours was already in the seat pocket so I grabbed it.”

  Oh. My. God.

  “Um…”

  “I didn’t take you for a romance novel kinda gal. But then, I had no idea this kind of romance existed, or I would’ve picked one of these up a long time ago.”

  “Um…how much of that have you read?” I asked, dreading his answer.

  I had no idea how long I’d been asleep but considering it looked like he was more than fifty percent done with the book it had to have been a while.

  “Enough to know, this Susan Stoker woman just may be my favorite new author.”

  Oh. My. God. He didn’t just say that.

  “I’ll email her, I’m sure she’ll love knowing a former SEAL likes her work.”

  His broad shoulders continued to shake and try as I might, I couldn’t stop the tingling.

  “Do you know her?” he asked. I glanced up and his brow arched.

  Wow,
that looked good on him, too.

  “What? No. I was kidding.”

  “Have you read this book?”

  “Um, yeah. It’s one of my favorites.”

  “That water rescue at the beginning was intense. The hero subscribes to my brand of justice. Straight up, slices the asshole’s finger off then starts the interrogation.”

  I thought about the scene in question and grinned. I could totally picture Kyle as a romance novel hero. Actually, he was a real-life hero. Jesus, what was wrong with me? I’d gone bat shit crazy—now I was comparing Kyle to my book boyfriends. The only kind of boyfriends I had because I was damaged and learned no man wanted damaged. Not even good ones like Kyle.

  “Only I wouldn’t have left the woman in San Francisco,” he continued.

  “Why not? They didn’t think she was in danger,” I asked.

  “Because he obviously had a thing for her.”

  “What should he have done? Tossed her over his shoulder caveman style and taken her back to the mountains?”

  “That’s one option.” I could hear the teasing in his voice, but I still trembled at the thought of Kyle tossing me over his shoulder carrying me off to his mountain home to love me forever. “The end was creepy as fuck. All those people in the cages. Who thinks up shit like that?”

  “Susan.” I laughed. “She always has great twists. In this one book the bad guy was hiding in the heroine’s house. I was so freaked out after I read it, I was so happy I lived in an apartment or I may’ve had to nail the attic door shut.” I shivered thinking about some crazy person hiding in my house, then something hit me. “You read the whole book?”

  I studied the paperback and it was open to the middle.

  “Yeah.”

  “Then why is the book still open?”

  “Just skimming over it again.” Kyle cleared his throat and he sounded almost embarrassed.

  “You wouldn’t happen to be rereading the sex scenes, would you?” I teased, and my face heated at my question. I was grateful my head was still on his shoulder and I was looking at the book so he couldn’t see my face.